Hold Your Colour
by AlphaBravoIndia
Summary: After seeing the destruction of Palaven, Shepard heads to the Citadel to see the ill-fated Thane Krios. This is their reunion. My first fanfic. Takes place in ME3, minor spoilers. Mild language plus adult scenes.
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: This is my first fanfic, inspired by the lack of romance in ME3 between FemShep and Thane, and some amazing tribute videos on teh Youtubes. The title is the song Hold Your Color by Pendulum; it was one of the songs I was listening to while writing this- I thought it'd be a good title. Focuses mainly around FemShep. Any concrit is much appreciated!  
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_**This first part is directly from the game, with some additions. Enjoy!**_

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><p>Victus had used up Shepard's patience. She understood his concern for Palaven, but convincing the krogan to ally themselves with the turians? <em>Turians and humans have come a long way. Maybe… <em>Her trail of thought was lost as she rubbed her eyes, and took a deep breath. _Thane. _She had remembered his email. Exasperated and hopeful, she made her way to Huerta Memorial.

Nurses were running back and forth, discussing treatments amongst themselves, and reassuring patients of their issues. The receptionist looked dreary as the line in front of her desk only seemed to lengthen. Patients were laid out on the floor; the hospital must have been overflowing past the lobby Shepard was in. But then she saw him.

He was standing there, gazing upon the Presidium from the hospital. He seemed to glow in the artificial afternoon sun, his green skin seeming so delicate and soft. Hearing her footsteps, he slowly turned around. His calm, apathetic face changed almost instantaneously; a small smile crept across his face.

"Siha."

His hoarse voice struck a chord in her. Shepard has missed the sound, the _feel_ of his voice. Her chest tightened.

"Thane…"

They both took a step towards each other. Thane faltered, leaning back, almost retracting his step.

He looked at the ground for a moment as he talked. "I heard Earth was under attack. I didn't know you'd make it out."

"I was beginning to think I'd never see you again." Shepard looked at his hands. She placed her hands in his, feeling the cool, moist touch of his skin. She felt a pang of joy and a sudden urge to kiss him, but as she turned to look up at his face, he was ready to say something.

"I sent a few messages while you were incarcerated, but I suspect they never got past the guards." She could sense happiness, yet slight heartache in his voice. "What are you doing here?"

_Shit._ For a second, Shepard considered lying, but looking into his eyes she knew she didn't have the heart to do so. For almost a year now they had been apart, and Shepard did not want her reunion with Thane Krios to start off by bringing up the newly appointed Major Kaiden Alenko. As she chose her words carefully, Shepard briefly thought of Kaiden. He had been good to her, being a support and lover she could not have imagined. However, Horizon had changed that. _Traitor._ The one word pierced her gut, made her jaw clench and fists tighten. Thane stared at her, concern filling his expression. He stayed silent as he waited for her reply.

"I'm here for a friend, Kaiden. He got hurt protecting me."

"Ah, the human biotic in intensive care… I saw the marks of an implant." Thane faintly coughed as he continued. "We have spoken. He was holding out hope that a woman would visit him…" His voice grew quieter and more cautious as he reached the end of his thought. "Is there something I should know about you two?"

Shepard exhaled and stretched a hand against her temples. She had hidden small feelings for Kaiden since their confrontation on Horizon, but ever since she had met Thane… She uncovered her face to meet his eyes. His hypnotic, endless eyes twinkled in the light, showing a plethora of colors. Thane had accepted and understood her. He needed her more than she knew. He had lived a life of sin and indifference, and this relationship was what made him more… alive. Shepard knew that. She loved that. She loved Thane.

"We were together for a while before the first Normandy was destroyed." She turned around taking a step away from him, thinking of what else to tell him, but was then interrupted by his rough voice.

"And grew apart, I gather." He took steps toward her. He knew that Kaiden was still important to her; he could sense it. "Your enemies may try to finish him off here. I will look out for him."

She turned around, somewhat flustered. "Thane…"

"Siha, I am at the end of my life. It is a good time to be generous."

Shepard felt calm. She knew Kepral's syndrome would take its toll soon. She did her best to smile. He continued. "I have only a few loves left, and you are my last. Let me do what I can for you."

Shepard held back her tears as she moved towards him, unwavering. She placed her hands on his face. They finally touched. His lips were cold and sweet; the contact made her reminisce of one of their last physical encounters together, their night together before the Omega-4 relay, before the Collector base. His hands found her waist and he held her. The kiss was gentle and innocent; Shepard couldn't help but smile as she continued to press her lips against his. As they separated, Thane's expression changed; he seemed at ease as bliss lit his radiant face.

"Well… I see you want to make up for lost time." Shepard blushed. "However, I should warn you that you may not want your final memories of me to be in this hospital. Kepral's syndrome is… not kind." He turned away from her and sat down in a nearby lounge chair. Shepard joined him in one across. They talked. She learned more about his sickness. He had trouble breathing, more so than before. She felt sadness overcome her. Thane could feel it.

"Could we spend some time together?" Shepard was desperate for his touch and did her best not to reveal it. Thane stood up and turned toward the large window. Shepard followed.

"I'd like that. But siha, you should understand that my cardiovascular system is not what it once wa-"

Shepard couldn't control herself. His voice yearned for her as she yearned for him. She threw her arms around his neck, pulling herself up and kissed him with much more intensity than before. He responded immediately, gripping her waist tightly. He opened his mouth. Their tongues danced, as she felt his chilled lips grow warmer by the second. She let out a minute moan. They slowly separated and gazed upon each other. "I've missed you Shepard." His bright complexion brought a memory to her mind. They were discussing how he was keeping up with Kolyat, his son. She remembered and embraced Thane's distant voice in her mind as she had embraced him just a moment earlier: 'it is difficult. All things worth keeping are.'


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: This second part is just a transition scene, but I felt that I couldn't leave it out for some reason. Enjoy!**_

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><p>The receptionist looked suspicious. Shepard knew Thane couldn't leave the hospital ward, but she needed time with him before she left. Their dispute had gone on for some time. Shepard grew impatient with the woman.<p>

"I would be grateful to share some of my time with my previous officer," Thane argued. "I know I do not have long. Please understand that-"

Shepard couldn't hold back as she interrupted Thane; irritation filled had filled her entirety. "I'm Commander Shepard, and this man aided me in the destruction of the Collector base, putting a stop to the abductions." Shepard's voice was strong and absolute. She smirked. "I think he deserves a little 'shore leave' from the hospital, don't you?" Her stare was solid and intimidating.

The receptionist's couldn't match Shepard, turning away, feeling both anxious and embarrassed. "Comman- I… I had no idea!" She quickly looked around the lobby, and faced both of them, staring for a moment. "Do NOT leave the Presidium, you understand?"

"The farthest we'll go is the Commons, alright? I'll bring him back immediately if there are any issues." The two women stared at each other for a few moments.

"A-alright. I'll drop your name if any of his doctors ask." The receptionist looked reluctant as she faced her console and began typing something. "2 hours. And drell, be sure to take your medications." She handed him some capsules. He quickly took hold of them and swallowed. The woman started to settle down.

Thane nodded his head ever so slightly. "My deepest thanks."

They steadily walked towards the elevator, sharing a glance. They were both grinning. Shepard reached the elevator first and activated its console.

"Siha, why are going to docking bay D24?" She looked up at him. His face was quizzical and filled confusion. Thane had rarely looked 'cute' but when he did all Shepard could do was laugh. "Siha? Shepard?" She gave him a small kiss on the lips.

"A little lie now and then hasn't hurt anybody, has it?" She smirked. Thane returned with a smile, looked down, and chuckled.

"Hmm. I suppose not." He met her gaze once again. The elevator doors opened, and they stepped in. The doors closed. They were alone. She let herself become vulnerable as she leaned towards him, and rest her head on his shoulder. His crisp scent filled her mind as she closed her eyes. He turned to hold her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. Shepard wanted to question him, but she knew why. His body was fragile and did not have long. She sighed. "Time for me is short, siha, but any I have is yours to take."

"And any of mine is yours as well." The doors started to open. They quickly separated themselves and kept a formal and professional attitude as they paced their way to the Normandy.

He quietly asked, "The crew?"

"Everyone's doing alright. Most of them have left the ship to relax. I've told them I'm meeting the council for a conference, which is partly true."

"Yes, I had heard you saved the Primarch from Menae."

"Something like that, yeah."

Thane kept quiet for a minute. "Palaven… The damage done… Is it as bad as Earth?"

"Yeah…" Shepard looked down at her feet as they walked. "Garrus told me he had a father and sister back home." She couldn't think of much else to say. She knew Garrus' pain; she had left her mother back on Earth, as well as Anderson. Anderson was one of her best comrades and closest friends. She had hated to leave him there.

"If I don't see Garrus, tell him my prayers are with him and his family." He let out a small cough. "I… understand the pain of leaving something so precious behind."


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN: The main part. THIS is why I wanted to write this fanfic. It was the main scene in my mind throughout the whole process. Enjoy!**_

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><p>As Shepard strode through, Thane slowed his pace to look around the Normandy. For the most part it was the same as before, except the armory had moved, and according to Shepard, the lab and communications room had been replaced with a quaint meeting room and the 'War Room'. He caught up to her at the elevator in the CIC.<p>

Shepard's cabin door closed behind them. "EDI, I want communications blocked for 2 hours." Thane stood by her fish tank as she locked her door. "Forward any messages to my private terminal, understood?"

The synthetic voice responded immediately. "Understood. Logging you out Shepard." She knew EDI would understand the privacy she needed with Thane.

Shepard had felt quite tense on their walk to the Normandy. It was only after EDI's voice had disappeared that she was able to unwind. She walked towards his side and they hugged. Her arms folded on his chest. It was tight, but very comforting, one arm curling around her waist, the other curving around her back, his hand resting a top her hair. She buried her face in his collarbone. They stood there for a couple of minutes. Shepard looked up at him. The death that had plagued him stole none of his elegance. She noticed he was looking at her face carefully, analyzing and absorbing every detail. Her luscious lips, her prominent cheekbones, even the small scars left from her operation from Cerberus. He ran his fingers across her jaw line and stopped at her chin, lightly holding her head up. He angled his face towards her lips and touched her. Shepard's arms slid out of place as they found his neck, and curled around it. The kiss grew longer and more passionate with every passing second. She opened her mouth and let their tongues become intertwined once again, drinking him in as much as she could. Both of his arms were now at her waist, pulling her closer to his body. His touch was magnetizing; she physically couldn't let go of him. Trapped in his embrace, she started to make her way towards her bed. They shuffled along, lips locked. She started to moan. Thane's right hand cupped the back of her head as he pressed his lips hard against hers. His other hand slowly crept under Shepard's shirt beneath her N7 sweater and grazed her stomach, feeling her scars, old and new. Her hand slowly slid towards his chest again, undoing the buckles and zipper on the front of his shirt. She could feel his heart beating, thumping against her palms; his skin was cool and refreshing, his scent drawing her in for more.

The back of her knees hit the edge of her bed frame. She flinched, retracting her mouth from his. She locked onto his eyes. Thane leaned his forehead against hers. She recognized his breathing, as it was quiet yet frantic. He slowly closed his eyes, and began to take deep breaths. Shepard chuckled for a moment and closed her eyes as well.

"Siha… I must confess."

"What is it Thane?"

"I cannot do this in my condition. I am not myself, and you deserve more than I could ever give in this moment. I…"

She kissed him lightly. "Thane. You have given me more than I could imagine. You have no idea."

"You don't have to do this, siha. You can find someone… more suitable. I am not the man you-"

Shepard held his face. "I don't' care. I could've chosen anyone. Hell, I could've left you for Kaiden back at the hospital." She pulled his face closer. Her eyes shimmered. "I love you Thane. I am here, in this spot, because I want to be. Knowing you were out there gave me hope, gave a reason to keep pushing forward. You are someone… so incredibly… I want to walk on your wavelength. I'd risk it all for you Thane."

"Shepard. You make me _feel_. Since Irikah's death, I have felt nothing. But you…" Her hugged her, his lips barely touching her left ear. "You helped me find my son, something I could not imagine having done without your help. You woke me. You were the one pushing me forward. I am only truly alive because of you Shepard."

She turned to him, watching his large black eyes twitch of reds and blues. "I remember the day you told me what 'siha' meant. 'One of the warrior angels of the goddess Arashu. Fierce in wrath. A tenacious protector'." A smile sprouted across her face. Thane ran his fingers though her hair.

"Words cannot express my feelings for you siha." He let out a faint cough. "I need you."

Her eyes began to water. She kissed him once again. Great pleasure surged through both their bodies as they continued to undress one another. She removed his cloak, lifted and slipped off his shirt. He slowly unzipped her sweater, sliding the sleeves down her arms. His hands found their way back to her torso, gathering her shirt and carefully pulling it upwards, over her upright arms. She unbuckled her belt, pulling it through the loops and tossing it aside, soon reaching for his waist as they continued to kiss. She then reached for Thane's pants and undid them. He tensed. She looked into his eyes; reluctance had filled his demeanor. With two fingers, Shepard, traced the outline of his lips. He turned to avoid her gaze, yet her hand caught the side of his face, pushing back towards her eyes. They stood there, silently gazing at each other, for what seemed to be longest minutes of their lives. She could tell he was hungry for her, desperate to touch her. Thane slowly reached to embrace and kiss her again.

Shepard lay on her back as Thane ran his fingers over her body, stroking her ever so softly, his cool fingers sending tingles and shivers throughout her. He examined every inch of her, soaking and ingraining it in his memory; the large gashes that had healed as well as the small nicks here and there. He was close enough for her to taste his breath, sweet and enticing. The anticipation was eating her insides away. Thane turned back to her face. They stared at each other. He then leaned over her and began to embrace her, gently and carefully. He pressed his cool lips against her neck- she arched her head backwards. He made his way towards her lips, leaving chilled, wet trail that sent more shivers throughout her body. Their tongues danced, sensations running through her core, sparks flying between them. His exotic scent imprisoned her, as she kept her hands moving, feeling his back, head and neck. A hand lay atop her left breast, gently squeezing and massaging it, while another ran down her right leg towards the back of her knee, raising it up against his hip. Her muscles tensed, as his tongue delved deeper in her mouth. Rhythmic pulses flowed between the two bodies as they became trapped and lost in a trance. Neither of them could think as the pleasure overwhelmed and enveloped them. Thane began to move through her more aggressively. His steady stokes grew more animalistic. He needed her too much; it had not been the first time he had lost and surrendered himself to her. His breaths grew harsher as he buried himself all the way within her, desperate and eager for more of her touch. She moaned, craving for more of his, gasping for air between her wails, her body quivering. He turned his head, placing it beside her ear, his warm breath tickling her skin.

"I love you," he breathed. His deep voice brought her closer to the edge.

Shepard turned to meet his eyes. Her hands reached for his face as she breathed back, "I love you, too." They shared a quick smile before letting their tongues become entangled again, engulfed in a void of ecstasy and bliss.


	4. Chapter 4

He reached for a glass of water on Shepard's bedside table, still feeling the aftermath and fatigue. Her head rested on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, feeling him rise and fall as he breathed.

"You did pretty well for a dying man," Shepard teased. He chuckled and placed the glass back and began to relax more. She pushed herself up, placing her face atop his. Thane cleared the hair from her face. She couldn't help but gently caress his face. They lay there for a long time, staring into each other. As she leaned in to kiss him, her private terminal interrupted her. Shepard checked her clock. "Damn…"

Thane sighed. "I presume I should take my leave." Shepard looked back at him, pouting. He chuckled again. "Siha. This will not be our last, you understand?" He sat up, looking down at her. She followed suit and rose to meet his line of sight. Her head drooped to his neck, her hands intertwined with his. He let go of her hand to lift her head, and kissed her. He withdrew and smiled, soon standing up to get dressed.

Shepard unlocked her door. "Can I walk with you back to the hospital?"

He beamed. "Of course."

Shepard clutched his hand as they made their way towards the docking bay doors. They stepped off the Normandy returning to public eyes. She hesitantly let go of his hand. Their walk to the hospital was silent.

They had finally reached the elevator. Thane reached for the console. They were alone, for the last time. Shepard gazed upon his face. She stopped the elevator.

"Siha-"

She threw herself around Thane. He let out a short gasp as it surprised him. He returned by hugging her close. "Why… why can't we just… I need you to stay here, with me." She held her tears. Thane embraced her more tightly.

"Tell me your feelings, siha."

She locked onto his eyes. "I'm scared." For the first time she had said it out loud. She caught herself, feeling childish and more exposed as ever. Tears started to make their way down her face. She kept quiet.

"Scared?"

"Yes! I know I have to be strong, and I know I can't act this way in front of my crew, but I'm scared of everything. That boy I saw on Earth, and the destruction of Palaven… How the hell am I, one woman, supposed to unite the races against the Reapers? How am I supposed to do this without _you_?" She turned away from him and punched the wall, leaving a small dent. Her fist lingered in the spot. Thane reached for her hand and held it in both of his. "I don't know if I'll be able to see you again. There's too much I have to do and-"

He pressed a finger against her lips. He leaned his forehead towards hers. He wiped the streaks of tears with his thumb. They closed their eyes. "Shepard. I cannot relate to these emotions. But I know that my siha is fearless. She dances with beauty on the battlefield, and can invoke desire and vivacity in a man already dead."

She buried her face in his neck. "You know I can't dance…" He let out a small hum. Her demeanor calmed. She let out a heavy sigh. "Sometimes… sometimes I wish I could let go of you. It hurts, more than you know, knowing that you might not live…" She whimpered as more tears ran down her face. "It's frustrating, holding on to the one thing that hurts you the most. Yet… if I let you go… I'll be even angrier with myself knowing I've let go of everything I've wanted. Everything I've needed. Everything I've loved."

"Siha, such sweet words from your lips. If all else whispers back into the tide, know this for fact. By grace given me by the Goddess Arashu, I bid her divine protection to you, my warrior-angel, my siha, to succeed in your destiny. To light your path through the coming darkness. To give you hope, when all else seems lost."

She looked back up at his radiant face. "Thane… I love you. I promise I will come back, even if it's for a short time between missions, I will make time to see you. We'll cross the sea together."

"I love you too. I will be here, waiting for our departure." He reached for the console and reactivated the elevator. She sighed. He lifted her chin up and kissed her for one last time. It was hard yet comforting and soft.

"Thank you."

The doors began to open. They separated. They gazed into each other as Thane slowly made his way out of the elevator. He smiled. She grinned wistfully. He finally turned his back to her and walked towards to receptionist. Still standing in the elevator, Shepard watched as the woman scolded him. She laughed. He was then led through the doors at the back end of the lobby. He turned to face her before the doors closed behind him. She stepped back clear of the elevator doors. She activated the console, and headed to Purgatory.


	5. Epilogue

**_AN: I hope this has been a fun read for you! It was really exciting writing the whole thing! This last scene is just an epilogue; again, like the second part, I felt like I had to include this in the story. Please review! Thanks!_**

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><p>Loud beats filled the area. The upper floor blasted music, and was covered with people dancing wildly. Shepard kept to the ground floor, heading to the bar. She spotted James Vega.<p>

"Hey, Lola, how's it- woah, you okay?"

"Hey James. Really fucking tired that's all." She waved the salarian bartender over. "Serrice ice brandy, on the rocks, three fingers." He nodded, quickly pouring the drink. "Put it on my tab," she added. "Commander Shepard."

"You wanna talk it about it?" Although James was one of the newest additions to the Normandy crew, Shepard considered him a fairly good friend. She took a sip of her drink.

"No. But I appreciate the sentiment." She looked up at him. "How about you? Hunting your prey?" She grinned.

His face changed; his concern washed away as he became flushed. He let out a small chuckle. "Come on Commander. Can't a guy jus' have a few drinks with his fellow soldiers?" He gestured to a small table surrounded by marines. She turned her head. They were chanting and cheering, pounding drinks one by one.

"They don't even know do they…" Shepard became cross. She turned back her drink, knocked her head back, and finished it. She waved the bartender over again.

"I know, but let 'em enjoy it for a while, alright?"

"Everything's going to shit, Vega. You remember Earth. Hell, you were there on Menae with me barely two days ago. You saw Palaven."

"Commander, I get it." His tone changed. He sounded more authoritative. He put his hand on her shoulder. "But if anyone, _anyone_, can do this, it's you Commander." She met his stare for a moment and looked back at her drink. She let out a heavy sigh.

"Thanks James. Sorry, it's just… It's so damn frustrating."

"Yeah. Each race has a grudge on another one. It'll be hard gettin' the krogan on board, but once we do- well shit, they're tough sons of bitches."

Shepard snickered. "You keep forgetting I've had the pleasure of working with two of them, one of which is the Urdnot clan leader."

"Yeah! And you're damn lucky!" They both laughed. As the moment faded, Shepard pat Vega on the back.

"Thanks again James." She turned away and started to walk out.

"Hey, no prob, Lola."

"I'm heading back to the Normandy. Be there in twenty."

"Whaaat?" He groaned.

"I don't want to hear your bitching Vega!" She waved her hand as she walked out of the club.

Once outside, she leaned against a railing, and stared off into the Presidium. She let out a large breath. Through life, death, and life again, she has never had someone who truly stood at her side. She thought of him, back to when she first met him on Illium. She remembered how odd he had seemed. _Never thought I'd have an assassin watch my back… _She remembered something else, something he had said in their first meeting:

'The universe is a dark place. I'm trying to make it brighter before I die.'

Shepard stood up straight and regained her confident composure. She activated her earpiece. "EDI, tell everyone to meet aboard the Normandy, we're heading out."

"Yes, Commander. Shall I let Joker know our destination?"

"Tuchanka. I need to finish this." _I need to see him again._


End file.
